Coco Arquette is paying John Mayer to date Jennifer Aniston!

Hollywood has been a buzz about the new romance between Emmy Award winner Jennifer Aniston and Grammy Award winner John Mayer.

 

But Fake Gossip News has learned the true store behind their relationship. Jennifer Aniston has been telling everybody that she is more in love with the “Say” singer more than she was in love with Tate Donovan and Brad Pitt combined. But John isn’t in love with Jennifer. In an exclusive interview Coco Arquette has reviled to Fake Gossip News that she has been paying John Mayer to “date” Aniston.

According to Coco, “Auntie Jen was hanging around our house so much that it was causing a lot of problems between my mommy and daddy. The fights they had over her would put mommy in a worse mood than seeing the declining ratings for ‘Dirt’. One day when Auntie Lisa (Kudrow) was over mommy sad that she couldn’t choose. She loves my Daddy but Auntie Jen is her best friend. She said that Daddy was going to make her choose though. She feared it could lead to divorce. Well, I could have none of that! I had my agent, yes I already have one, to contact John Mayer. I told him I would pay him one million dollars to “date” Auntie Jen for one year. He wanted three million but we settled on two.” Apparently it worked. Coco went on to state “Mommy and Daddy are happier then they have been since before Auntie Jen split form Mr. Pitt.”

But what happens when Mayer’s contract is up? According to Coco, “I’m already working something out with Shia Laboeuf for 2009”

Hillary to star in “Excess Baggage”

Just in case Hillary Clinton fails to win the Democratic Nomination for President she has a back up plan. Hillary has plans to star in a remake of 1997’s Alicia Sliverstone vehicle “Excess Baggage”.

And why not? It’s a perfect fit. Many people have said that Hillary would never be elected President because she has too much baggage. Hillary also showed all of us that she can laugh at herself when appearing on “Saturday Night Live”.

Obviously some adjustments need to be made to the story. Chelsea Clinton told Fake Gossip News, “It’s very exciting. If my mom doesn’t become the first female president she’ll become a movie star. She’ll be like Ronald Reagan in reverse.”

Fake Gossip News has learned that the script has Hillary staring as an aging socialite who gets stranded in Fargo, north Dakota with her twenty suitcases. As she tries to figure out the candy machine so she can eat she is kindnapped.

Academy Award Winner Benicio del Torro will once again play the kidnapper. All of us here at Fake Gossip News have four words…We’ll vote for that!

Angelina Jolie is the new spokesperson for…SEXY WATER!!!

Will the rivalry between Emmy Award Winner Jennifer Aniston and Academy Award Winner Angelina Jolie ever end?

Last year Aniston became the spokesperson for Smart Water, the electrolyte enhanced water.

 Well, as always Angelina has decided to one up Aniston, Angie is the new spokesperson for Sexy Water, the sexy enhanced water (although Fake Gossip News has learned the secret ingredient in Sexy Water is…Vodka!)

And just like in the battle for Golden Globe winner Brad Pitt it looks like Jolie will win. Since the deal with Sexy Water was announced last week sales for Aniston’s Smart Water have fallen 75%, while the sales for Sexy Water have skyrocketed 100%!

At leas Jen has her leprechaun to console her.

Annette Benning goes postal!

As Hillary Swank enjoyed an evening at the Academy Awards last month Annette Benning fell off the Hillary hating wagon.

Since the beginning of the year Annette Benning had been Swank hating free. This is a big accomplishment for the woman who once tried to tear down a movie screen upon seeing a preview for “The Reaping”. Warren Beatty really believed that after spending much of last year in a loony bin that Annette had finally gotten over her two Oscar loses to Hillary Swank. In fact so confident was Warren in his wife’s recovery that he agreed to watch the Oscars with her.

Everything was okay until…Hillary Swank took to the stage. It wasn’t so much seeing Hillary that sent Annette back over the edge as it was how the announcer introduced her.

According to Warren who sat down with Fake Gossip News for an exclusive interview, “Annette was sitting calmly watching the Oscars. The the announcer introduce Hillary Wank as two time Oscar winner. My heart sank because I knew this would get to Annette. And it did. She started shaking her head and whispering, ‘No, not twice, not twice.’ Then she ran out of the room. I was hoping she was going to go pray but the next thing I knew she came storming into the room with our shotgun. She screamed,’NO! NOT TWICE!’ before blowing the TV away.”

One can only wonder if Annette will ever get over it. “Million Dollar Baby” director told Fake Gossip News, “If I would have known Hillary winning another Oscar would lead to Annette’s madness I would have released ‘Million Dollar Baby’ in 2005 instead of 2004 so Annette could have won for ‘Being Julia’.”

Hopefully Annette can get the help she needs because she has become one big hot mess!

Paris Hilton having an affair with…THE EASTER BUNNY!

Fake Gossip News has learned that skank of the year Paris Hilton has a new lover.

Just in time for Easter she started hooking up with the Easter Bunny. The two of them were spotted leaving Hyde late Friday night.

Sources have told Fake Gossip News that Paris even helped the Easter Bunny do his rounds over night.

Paris told Fake Gossip News, “It’s true. I’m banging the Easter Bunny. Hell if Sharon Stone can have a long term relationship with a Kimodo Dragon, Angelina Jolie can have a baby with a Dragon and Jennifer Aniston can date a Leprechaun why can’t I bang a Bunny.”

True. However, all of us here at Fake Gossip News think this “relationship” will last about as long as Paris’ days atop the music charts.

Jennifer Aniston finds love at last!!!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody!!!

Fake Gossip News is pleased to report that Emmy Award Winner Jennifer Aniston has finally found her true love. Forget Tate Donovan, Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn. The “man” Ms. Aniston will spend the rest of her life with his…Leprechaun!

Jennifer and Leprechaun met on the set of the 1993 cult film “Leprechaun”. They have been friends for the last fifteen years. Indeed, Leprechaun was Jen’s shoulder to cry on when Lisa Kudrow became the first Friend to win an Emmy and of course when Ms. Fish Lips Angelina Jolie stole her husband, Brad Pitt, away from her.

But their relationship moved to a new level just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. Leprechaun visited the set of “Marley & Me”, co-staring Owen Wilson, this last week. Over the weekend Jen and the Leprechaun headed down to Key West. That’s when Jen finally told Leprechaun that she’s in love with him.

The couple couldn’t be happier. Aniston told Fake Gossip News…”Yes, I’m in love with Leprechaun. If that big lipped whore can have a baby with a Dragon I have be in love with a Leprechaun. I’m so happy. You just may need to pinch me”. Jen then winked at our reporter.

All of us here at Fake Gossip New wish Jennifer Aniston the best. We hope she has at long last found happiness.

Knots Landing-Election 2008!

“Knots Landing” creators David Jacobs and Michael Filerman have been looking for a new project for years. They wanted to bring the 1980’s drama of “Knots Landing” into the 21st century. They spent many fruitless months trying to come up with a new idea for a pilot.

Then one day David was watching the South Carolina democratic presidential debate. He saw the sparks fly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. It occurred to him that the best drama comes from real life. Jacobs told Fake Gossip News, “As I watched the two of them tear each other apart I thought ‘you can’t make this shit up!’ It was at that point I got together with Michael and we decided to make a documentary about this years presidential election.”

But this will be no ordinary documentary it will be ended in such away that the story is told like a soap opera. And in an extra special bonus the documentary will be narrated by none other than “Knots Landing’ alumni Joan Van Ark.

The film is in full production now. Look for it to hit theatres next January on Inauguration day for President Clinton/McCain/Obama.

Here are the opening credits for “Knots Landing-Election 2008”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suYPuC76UkE

Charles In Charge 2008!!

The world has been wondering who is taking care of Britney’s kids while she gets better. Well Fake Gossip News has learned that the cast of the 1980’s hit sitcom “Charles In Charge” have decided to re-team to take care of Brit’s boys until she gets her act together. No only will they be taking care of the boys but it will be a new reality show airing on FOX starting next month. Here are the opening credits. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzt1jiprSKo

The real reason Britney left the psych ward!

Tongues were wagging all over Southern California this last week when Britney Spears was released from the UCLA psych ward against her doctors orders last week.

Why did she leave? Did they kick her out? Will she survive this? What is she wearing?

These are just some of the questions the world asked in the days following her release.

Well, Fake Gossip News has learned the real reason for Britney’s release. It turns out that she was wiling the stay in the nut house until she was all better BUT the doctors wouldn’t let her bring her have her synthesizer!

She gave it her all but as she ran around the hospital in a straight jacket yelling at the nurses “You want a piece” of me it just the same as it sounds on the song from her “Blackout” album.

Brit begged the reporters to let her have her synthesizer but they continued to say no. The last thing she said to the hospital administrators when she left was “I don’t go anywhere unmixed”.

Let’s all hope Britney finds a hospital that will allow her to bring her synthesizer in so that she can do dance remixes of her therapy sessions.

Angelina Jolie pregnant with Dragon’s baby!

Rumors have been swirling all over the place the last few weeks that Academy Award Winner Angelina Jolie is pregnant again. Her loose fitting dress at last weeks Screen Actors Guild Awards only added fuel to the fire.

Well, Fake Gossip News has gotten confirmation that Angie is indeed pregnant again. But the baby is not Brad Pitts. It turns out that while she was doing research for her role in “Beowulf” Angelina started spending a lot of time with a Dragon from the underworld! At the premier of the movie last November Angelina and the Dragon could not longer hold off the attraction. They enjoyed a night of unbridled passion in the clouds about the Hollywood sign.

Unfortunately, for both of them they didn’t use a dragon sized condom and Angie is preggers now! But don’t worry Jolie fans Angelina promises she will treat her dragon baby the same as all of her other children. When Fake Gossip News caught up with Angelina on the set of her new movie “Eating Scenery: The Next Generation” in which she stars as Faye Dunaway’s daughter she told us (in her best Transylvanian accent) “I am very excited to have a baby dragon in my belly”.

We wish Angelina all the best.

It’s LOVE!!